Paul Almeida (25), pictured here as his alter-ego "El-Blazo," swooped in when he saw a woman being held, seemingly against her will, by a man in a black jacket. However, Mr. Almeida didn't realize that the man was simply helping the woman walk over a puddle.
"He was a nice gentleman" the 'victim' Emma Scott said. "He was helping me step over a small puddle of icy water when this freak just showed up yelling out wearing a spandex workout suit, his underwear outside, and one of those mexican wrestler masks over his face."
Mr. Almeida then got into an altercation with the man, Viktor Machenko, which left her in the very puddle he was helping her avoid. The two briefly traded blows before Mr. Machenko floored him with a brutal one-two punch.
"I'm actually a former Russian heavyweight boxing champ" said the 250 lbs, 6'5 Machenko. "I didn't want to hurt the guy, but he gave me no choice. I don't know why he mistook me for a villain. I guess it had something to do with my trenchcoat, or this black top hat, or perhaps my curly mustache and thin eyebrows."
"I guess in Soviet Russia, villain stops hero."
Police were quick to arrive on scene and revive Mr. Almeida. However, when asked about his wild actions, the 25-year-old only uttered nonsensical jibberish.
"Did somebody say... justice!? Evil-doers beware! El-Blazo is here and I'm going to deal out some muy PICANTE punishment!"
Mr. Almeida then pushed aside the officers and attempted to flee in a very unorthodox manner. Using a homemade grappling gun, he hooked onto a nearby building and attempted to ascend to the rooftops. Unfortunately, the common household string he used for the device was not sufficient to hold his weight. The police were quick to apprehend him again and, after a struggle, sedated him for transport to a nearby mental institution.
Although neither Ms. Scott nor Mr. Machenko plan to press charges, police have requested that Mr. Almeida remain in the institution for further analysis.
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