Hopeful Breakthrough on Mental Retardation

For many children, the cause of their intellectual disability can be identified to the more common causes such as Down syndrome, fetal alcohol syndrome, birth defects, and infections – happen before birth. However, more often than not, some causes are simply inexplicable. 

As parents, we feel the need to reassure our kids that everything will be all right, but if your children are retarded, they will never be able to function normally in society no matter how much you reassure them.

For Kenneth Law (photo), reassurance did little as he lives with mental retardation his entire life. However, recent development at University of Ottawa Institute of Mental Health has found a way to allow his family communicate with little Kenneth.

For years, the Law family had thought of Kenneth as a slow-witted child who, despite the correctness savage beatings administered to him, still drinks out of the toilet.

"What did we do to deserve this abomination?" the Law family said. The belief that people with mental retardation are always happy, carefree, and content is a misconception. 

The family said Law was involved in a sock puppet incident where he filled them with his favourite snack, mud, and attempted to beat his imaginary pet to death. Unfortunately, since Law could not physically injure his pet, he got frustrated and ended up hurting himself by repeatedly gnawing on a pine cone until his mouth was bleeding.

Clearly for the Law's, a normal loving relationship is out of the question. They had come to accept their retarded child for what he is: a mildly amusing nuisance.

The University saw Law as a candidate for their behaviour correctness program, which they hope one day can help slowly introduce Law back into social settings.

The program involves achievement of obedience similar to treating house pets. It is a conditioning technique that allows the child to develop a routine through a reward / punishment exercises.

For example, if Law defecates in his food bowl more than once a day, then he will be forced to sleep outside in the rain. Or, if Law finishes tilling the fields before sundown, a piece of cake is left in his cage.

To date, studies have shown that this kind of technique improved Law's ability understand right and wrong. However, scientist are still struggling with his defecation problem.

Super hero "saves" civillian before being sent to mental institution

Up, up and away.  Earlier today, a costumed vigilante attempted to rescue a woman in the Bay and Dundas area who, apparently, did not need rescuing.

Paul Almeida (25), pictured here as his alter-ego "El-Blazo," swooped in when he saw a woman being held, seemingly against her will, by a man in a black jacket.  However, Mr. Almeida didn't realize that the man was simply helping the woman walk over a puddle.

"He was a nice gentleman" the 'victim' Emma Scott said.  "He was helping me step over a small puddle of icy water when this freak just showed up yelling out wearing a spandex workout suit, his underwear outside, and one of those mexican wrestler masks over his face."

Mr. Almeida then got into an altercation with the man, Viktor Machenko, which left her in the very puddle he was helping her avoid.  The two briefly traded blows before Mr. Machenko floored him with a brutal one-two punch.  

"I'm actually a former Russian heavyweight boxing champ" said the 250 lbs, 6'5 Machenko.  "I didn't want to hurt the guy, but he gave me no choice.  I don't know why he mistook me for a villain.  I guess it had something to do with my trenchcoat, or this black top hat, or perhaps my curly mustache and thin eyebrows."

"I guess in Soviet Russia, villain stops hero."

Police were quick to arrive on scene and revive Mr. Almeida.  However, when asked about his wild actions, the 25-year-old only uttered nonsensical jibberish.

"Did somebody say... justice!?  Evil-doers beware!  El-Blazo is here and I'm going to deal out some muy PICANTE punishment!"

Mr. Almeida then pushed aside the officers and attempted to flee in a very unorthodox manner. Using a homemade grappling gun, he hooked onto a nearby building and attempted to ascend to the rooftops.  Unfortunately, the common household string he used for the device was not sufficient to hold his weight.  The police were quick to apprehend him again and, after a struggle, sedated him for transport to a nearby mental institution.

Although neither Ms. Scott nor Mr. Machenko plan to press charges, police have requested that Mr. Almeida remain in the institution for further analysis.  

The Future of Art

World renowned artist Yukiko Otsu has opened the world's first gallery dedicated to crayon art works - some of which would revolutionize how people percieve art.

While other artists settles on conventional art style such as Impressionism or Realism, Otsu does not shy away from amalgamating all different types of art style and fuse it into an image exploding with feelings and emotions.

"This will be an art movement that will forever change the way people interprets art." proclaimed Otsu in an article in ArtReview magazine. "Why settle for one when you can have more?"

Why indeed. In her grand opening of the gallery last week, visitors were astonished by how she used the fusing of styles to fully express her art in a new way. 

Here we can see Otsu explored different themes and she goes on to explain how the art came about.

Awareness: "I wanted the focus on the face. The face should get all the attention. It is what defines this piece."

Erotica: "Cowboys turns me on. Everything about them. From their hats to their spurs, they ooze passion. The purple horse was for me, not for any particular reason. It compliments well."

Hair: "I had a thing for hair when I was putting this together. I just wanted hair on anything and everything. It worked out pretty well, but I think it could've used more hair."

Winter Wonderland: "This one was for the holidays, and I wanted to emphasize the importance of green presents and blue snowmen."

Self Portrait: "This is how I see myself and I think generally how people sees me. I am a spewage of overwhelming colours hence why I am colourless. As you can see I did not colour in my face." 

The Yukiko Otsu Gallery of Crayola Art will be open to the public all year round. More information can be found on her website: www.yukikotsu.com

Child star admits to substance-abuse

Julian Lo (left), a former child star best known for his contribution in the pop band "Rainbow 6," was spotted in a pool of his own vomit in Niagara Falls, Ontario.

When cops found Lo in Niagara Park early yesterday morning, they first busted him for loitering past the park's closing time. Then they noticed that Lo had a rope tied from his neck to his genitals, cheese in his pocket, and a sex toy in his boot.

This was not the first time Lo has shocked the media. In 2007, Lo openly admitted his relationship with his manager and best friend Matthew Lee (right) after a scandal arised from a sex tape that went viral.

Today Lo's publicist released a statement stating that the now 32 year old star will be entering rehabilitation. "He (Lo) is very confident that with the help and support of family, friends and his adoring fans that this time he will be able to overcome this addiction." This would be Lo's 5th time entering rehabilitation for his cheese addiction.

Since his days as a child star, Lo has involved himself in theatre productions and as a music producer. He currently resides in Seattle with his mother.

Queen Spadina reigns supreme

Spadina's performance last night was one of women's featherweight boxing's most vicious and violent knockout ever. 

Within 42 seconds of the first round, Spadina lands a heavy left hook to the head, stunning her opponent briefly and was about to finish her off until the referee intervened.

"As soon as she landed that blow, I knew the match was over." said the referee. "I had to stop the fight, otherwise Spandina would've killed her. She's an animal in the ring."

Jennifer Lau, 25, better known on the streets of Toronto as"Queen Spadina," is a mixed martial arts fighter that got her career started fighting in underground bare-knuckle boxing. 

Lau started working as a bouncer for a strip club until high school friend and current manager Eddie Tsang offered her a chance to earn some very needed money in unsanctioned street fights.

She is best known for several street fights which have spread primarily on the Internet. Lau left the underground fighting scene and has been undefeated ever sinced she signed a professional contract with Tsang.

(Clip from last night's match)

Man accosted in Rucker Park forced to leave city

A group of young men who went out for a game of basketball in New York City's famed Rucker park got much more than they planned for Tuesday afternoon. A playful hook shot by Talent Lam (pictured) curved off the rim before hitting a group of locals sitting on the sidelines.

"When those men stood up, you knew those poor young kids were in deep sh*t" said Gloria Roberts, who was passing by with her son JJ when the altercation broke out. "It was like David and Goliath. I just picked up my son and ran."

Although the details of various witness accounts differed, it was clear that one of the local gang members picked up Mr. Lam, put him on his shoulders, and then spun the young hoopster around, before tossing him aside.

"It was nothing, just a little scuffle" recounted a bruised and broken Talent Lam. "I just told my mom I got into a fight, but she got scared. She told me I'm movin' with my auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

Upon arriving at Bel-Air, Mr. Lam whistled for a cab and when it came near, he saw it's license plate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror. If anything, that kind of cab is rare, but all Mr. Lam had to say was "Now forget it, yo homes to Bel-Air."

He pulled up to a house at about 7 or 8 and and yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes, smell you later." He looked at his kingdom, he was finally there, to sit on his throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Man attacks baby in NYC

The Toronto native accused of beating a toddler was charged with battery & assault last Sunday night and was taken to the 9th Precinct in New York city where he spent the night.

"I didn't hit the baby!" Matthew Chan, 25,  yelled in Chinese as he was led out of the stationhouse on 321 East 5 street early Monday morning.

Brother David Chan stunned and managed only a "yes" when asked if he was innocent.

Cops said Chan admitted to having "accidentally" broke a mop handle he had recently purchased over the toddler, Kate, when her mother ran into him. 

Law enforcement sources said the toddler is in critical condition. The medical examiner ruled that Kate suffered 

injuries to her head, torso and extremities. "No accident could've done this to a child." said the examiner.

Chan's neighbors were stunned.

"Oh, my God, how can you do that to a kid?" said Annibel Hensen, 48. "I was shocked. ... he seemed like a normal person."

Chan suffers from Angry-Asian-Man syndrome, a condition that has haunted him throughout his entire life and made it impossible for him to show happiness without showing anger. It was thought that Chan's condition was becoming rarer in society, but unfortunately recent evidence appears to show that the Angry-Asian-Man syndrome is much more widespread than originally anticipated.